Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.