Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's