Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story