Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
