okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
