I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
