so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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