why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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