so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
