Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
