I wanna bring you to show and tell
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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