Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
