i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
