areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
