You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
