sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
