your thong is hanging out like whoa
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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