I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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