Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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