Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
