Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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