I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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