there was a trapeze. enough said
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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