Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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