I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
