O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
