Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize