Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
