I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
