I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
