Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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