Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
