ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
