Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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