They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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