Sry I called you an 8
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
