the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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