This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
