ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
