Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who died my cat blue again?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
