My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
zippers are such a cool invention
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
