Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
