So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
