That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
