so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize