Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
