Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
