They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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