so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Enjoy the penises
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
