you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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