I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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