Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
