dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
