Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
