He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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