I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
