Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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