remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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