Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
