I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
