google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
