Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
