Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
