I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
