I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
