and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
