do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
