i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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